There are two types of people: those who will send back a dish in a restaurant when it is not to their liking, and those that will not. This is for the latter.
I have been this person. I have suffered through over or under-cooked meats, tried eating something I didn’t even order, or picked out the olives when I specifically said “No olives, please.” There are several reasons why we do this:
- We are in a hurry and don’t have time to wait for them to make it over again
- We don’t want to bother anyone
- We don’t want to “cause a scene”
- We wouldn’t want to appear rude
- We don’t want to offend the cooks/chef
- We don’t want them mad at us
- We convince ourselves is it fine the way it is or that we aren’t that hungry anyway
With the possible exception of the first one, all of the above are actually just excuses. Here is the reality: We don’t believe we have the right to our own opinion. We are not worthy. And if someone doesn’t like our confrontation, then there is something wrong with us – they are probably right and we are wrong.
If you think I am being a bit dramatic, try applying the above to a relationship. When there is a confrontation, an argument, the possibility of either, or something that happens that is not to your liking, I am guessing you would back off and “let it slide”. It’s all the same thing, in a different setting.
I know this because I lived this. Had there been Yelp! in those days, I would have left the restaurant with a smile on my face and then written a scathing review, never to return. Passive aggressive to the end. The thought of sending back a dish was terrifying to me – in the same way confronting a boyfriend about his behavior was, or actually taking a stand in a relationship on anything from where to go to dinner to what to wear. It took me a lot of years of self-work to get to the point where I felt worthy – that I deserved to have an opinion and to express it, regardless of the reaction.
I have gone from being the “pick around the edges” kind of person to one who kindly yet firmly asks for the correct meal as ordered. And it is no coincidence that now in relationships I am unafraid to voice my opinions, to ask for what I want and to feel worthy of being an equal partner.
I wish I could say it happens overnight. It rarely does. But it can start as simply as one salad without the dressing on the side, as ordered. Practice on the small things, and the rest will start to become easier as well. You ARE worth it!